Is There a Dick Recession?

I know, it usually takes 3 to make a trend, but I like to be on the cutting edge.

I was going to post about this new manmeat-enlarger yesterday, but among other reasons, I was too busy.  Then, today, The Daily Beast has a review of those ExtenZe pills.  I guess this post makes 3.  Let’s talk about this.

Here’s what Tasty Booze says about the new pump:

Called the Andro-Penis extension device, the device was tested by 21 dudes over the course of 6 months and researches found that the average dick length had increased by 36% over the 6 month trial. If you’re interested in hard numbers (pun intended) the dudes started out with an average flaccid length of 2.82 inches and ended the trial with an average flaccid length of 3.72 inches.

That’s great, now you can really impress the dude with the good peripheral vision in the men’s room.  Unless your goal is to dip your thing in the urinal like a fondue pot, extra flaccid inches don’t really help much.  Fail.

The Daily Beast’s Daniel Nester commissioned a study of his own, of those ExtenZe pills (not to be confused with the Jennifer Jason-Leigh film “ExistenZ“).  Here are a few random excerpts:

Several of my subjects dropped out of the study, or chickened out, once they received the pills in their mailbox. (I give them credit for trying—those who initially declined my request, down to the last man, said they couldn’t take ExtenZe because they were “too big already.”)

This made me think of a great slogan/jingle: “Take ExtenZe…so you can see your dick from space!”

This is just uncomfortable:

In his notes, one subject did report a “strange, random erection at gym” on Day Six while “watching the Alex Rodriguez press conference.”

So, A-Rod gave him a rod. Sorry.

one subject with a low sex drive noted that “there are few men out there less horny than I was to start with,” and even he was able to get aroused once a day on ExtenZe. This could be attributed to placebo effect, however, or possibly a Hawthorne Effect generated from recording his daily libido in a diary that someone else will eventually see.

If I had a diary like that, my house would look like the apartment in Se7en, where Kevin Spacey has 6,000 handwritten composition books full of Bible-verse Mad Libs.

In this time of recession, I can definitely understand a rise in interest in “enhancement” products.  Most of these guys on Wall Street jeering lazy homeowners are already overcompensating.  Once they get their Hummers repo’ed, and their portfolios wither away, these guys will need something to keep up their self-worth.

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20 Comments

  1. […] first thought for a gift was one of these “enhancement” products, but I think Bin Laden is over that whole “72 Virgins” thing.  He doesn’t seem […]

  2. Guys would be better off spending money, and probably less of it, buying books to find out just what gets us ladies going. Or an even cheaper idea–ask the lady you’re trying to impress what it is that pleases her in the sexual arena.

    And guys, here’s a little clue for you: any woman who tells you men it’s about quantity over quality–is faking it.

    Just trying to help. (LOL)

  3. Oops, almost forgot—hilarious video, Tommy!

  4. PCL,
    True, but you at least need enough of a booster rocket to get you through the atmosphere. Then, it’s all about not burning up on re-entry.

  5. Tommy, didn’t you ever see those old films about the ‘failed booster rockets’–ever notice how BIG those booster rockets are? And there’s no ‘re-entry’ if it never gets off the ground.

  6. And guys, here’s a little clue for you: any woman who tells you men it’s about quantity over quality–is faking it.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    @PCL…..LOL about the rocket analogy (are we talking heat-seeking moisture missiles?). I beg to differ on this point, but, then again, I don’t have to worry about either 😉 Both are important. There is a significant overcompensation factor with those who are lacking, dare I say it doesn’t quite make up for it. Thank goodness some guys are both blessed AND gifted (skills are in large part instinctive). I agree with Tommy that the flaccid size doesn’t necessarily lead to a proportionate increase in erect size, negligible as the results are in this study (you cannot necessarily predict one’s size from one state to the next).

  7. At first thought, I wasn’t gonna touch this one with a ten…..

  8. Diana, so true . I agree, both are NICE, but someone has to chime in for the underdogs, the less fortunate–the little guy.

    To be fair–I prefer the total package (oops!) I mean, quality and quantity combined with an intelligence. Without intelligence, I’m just gonna roll over and go to sleep regardless if the other two factors are in place or not.

    Oh and on the ten….meow! or yeow! is anyone’s guess. (heh heh)

    And Diana, sounds like we are both lucky ladies 😉

  9. You know what they say about great minds, PCL 🙂 Yeah, I was humming that infamous Aerosmith song as I typed that. I totally agree on the intelligence factor, as I’ve gone out with some dumb jock types who were really nice and easygoing, but there is no size out there that makes up for having to explain everything to them (except for sports stats, that is). And don’t forget about the requisite sense of humor! Yes, the total package 😉

  10. […] got an email from the Democratic Party today, asking me to vote for a billboard to be erected in Rush Limbaugh’s hometown. A DNC spokesman told me they received over 56,000 submissions. […]

  11. PCL or Bob…..do you Facebook?

  12. I should feign embarrassment, but nope. I won’t.

  13. I don’t do any of that, Diana–I already embarrass my four kids enough with my liberal tendencies, they would literally shit bricks if I did Facebook or MySpace. But feel free to email me–you do have that don’t you?

  14. Yeah, don’t do that Tommy–you guys are horrible at faking it!

  15. Oh, I forgot about the sense of humor, Diana. Very true. A sense humor might even compensate for lacking in the other areas. Okay, I just made myself laugh at that one.

  16. […] Here’s Some Shit That White Bloggers Can’t Get Away With From Jack and Jill Politics, this kinda ties in with what I was saying yesterday: […]

  17. […] I’d give you guys a quick pictorial tour of my workplace.  Click on the thumbnail to see a larger version. .gallery { margin: auto; } .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; […]

  18. […] for her state. Calling into question her ideological purity may be fun (it is, there are lots of pork jokes), but it doesn’t really accomplish […]

  19. […] Have My Trend! Size the Hot Topic Remember when I noted that I was one story short of a trend about dick size last week?  Well, now there are 2 new stories about size, this time of women.   […]

  20. […] Yeah, I guess if they actually erect the thing, that’ll be step 4, but since this is for Rush, maybe they should symbolically skip the erection. […]


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