Everybody freak out. Everybody freak out. Brace yourself, then prepare to freak out, ’cause this is gonna blow your mind.
Our President knows Arabic. Holy freaking crap. Prepare the bunker! Prepare the bunker! Women and children and radio personalities first! Do we have enough baked beans and instant Ramen to sustain us through the rest of his term? I don’t know. Aaaaaugh! Oh God, somebody forgot the can opener! Nooooooo! We can’t go back out there! His Muslim-ness will contaminate us! We’ll have to open the bean cans with our teeth! Oh, cruel, cruel world!
…okay, now that I’ve overreacted enough for the entire internet, we can continue. “Shukran” doesn’t mean “Death to America”, “Death to Israel”, “I am really a secret Muslim,” or “Oh crap, I left my Nintendo DS at home, Joe better not be catching Pokémon on my save file”. It means “thank you”. It’s just like him saying “gracias” to Hugo Chavez. We good, Internet? We good. Please do not use this to further any “secret Muslim” stories. You will only look like an idiot, and I will laugh at you.
Oh, and apparently, according to Congress, socks can kill your children. (Thanks to @dduane for tweeting this! Check out her novels, she’s awesome.) I’m a pretty safety-conscious gal – I collected safety manuals as a child – but this brings ridonkulous to a whole new level. I hope it stops before babies aren’t given soft blankets anymore since they could possibly suffocate themselves. Life in a bubble! Life in a bubble! Panic! (Or, as in one of Diane Duane’s books, “Go ahead! Panic! Do it now and avoid the June rush!”)