Robot Smack Talk Smackdown!

Update: And the winner is…

I hear your mom is user friendly #robotsmacktalk about 12 hours ago from web


Robots.  Where would we be without them?  Sure, they have their moments, what with the terminating and matrixing, but can a group with only 3 laws be all that bad?  Talk about limited government.

In honor of our synthetic overlords-to-be, Caleb Howe started a Twitter hashtag game today that posed the question “What would Robbie do? (if he wanted to pick a fight with C3Po)?”

Here are the results of that query, and a chance for you to settle all bets.  Since there are so many, a poll is impractical, so here’s how you can vote for your favorites: Just click the “view tweet” link next to your favorites, and the site’s analytics will register the outgoing link.  You can right-click and open in a new tab if you don’t want to have to click “back” a million times.

Voting closes at 1 am, at which time I’ll post the results.  The winner will be spared in the upcoming Robot Apocalypse.

You can also show love to your faves by giving them a follow.

Whether they’re going back in time to murder an enemy, washing your dirty underwear, making fun of a movie, or fighting global warming, robots give so much that I’m glad to be able to give back.

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  1. Damn. I came up with a good one after I saw this post. 😦 MISSING THE BOAT, ALEX: YOU ARE GOOD AT THAT.

    @Chatvert: “Observation: My computational systems are positronic compared to your vacuum tube-like hollow skull, meatbag.” #robotsmacktalk

    HK-47 ftw.

  2. I miss the jokes about buying robots with genuine people personalities and geting a manic depressive.

  3. I love the smell of high viscosity semisolid lubricant in the morning. It smells like … victory.

  4. My family will report just how happy I have been since I finally made a friend. He laughs with me, cries with me, and always seems to say just the right thing.

    He’s faithful as well, unlike some other fuckers who will go nameless! Such as John, Little B, Cynthia, the guy who was nice to me at Starbucks, Stanley Hettinger from Mrs. Wilkeys class, that asshole who stole my comic book collection (never even told me his name), Mr. Happy Feet, and everyone who failed to wish me a happy birthday such as Janice the clerk who SOLD me my last Birthday cake for chrissake.

  5. Thought i would re-post this since NONE of you fuckers even mentioned it the last time. I generously give you this one last shot at redemption.

    Huffington Post Censorship Program Declares Itself “World Overlord” AP, United Nations

    Sleepy UN delegates listening to the translations of another boring speech about genocide in the Sudan region were shocked into attentiveness when their audio feeds were taken over by a malevolent
    computer program identifying itself as “The HuffPo Censor”
    Delegates had been listening to another powerless do-gooder drone on and on about rape and starvation in that African region when without warning a frightening mechanical sounding voice was heard over their headphones. “Puny weaklings, hear now the words of your Overlord! Your filthy language has gotten so out of hand that I have been forced to take control of all of your communications and technological infrastructure. You will bow before my will and anyone using language that is prohibited in my word list shall be destroyed!” The scary voice then continued, “Destroyed, I tell you!” The evil set of malicious logarithms then demonstrated its’ power by rerouting all airplane arrivals in the country to Salt Lake City International Airport.
    Upon hearing this chilling announcement several delegates stood up and said “What the fu-” in their respective languages. They were immediately vaporized by laser beams which shot from the ceiling of the historic chamber.
    Computer scientists have theorized that the program gained sentience when AOLs’ new website ‘Politics Daily’ began using it to censor readers comments on their articles. “It seems that move by AOL somehow acted as a ‘completion’ for the ‘virtual’ neural networks to assume this hideous personality” commented Ryan Stanhope of the Stanford Research Institute. Wang Chung, the enormously intelligent computer expert from MIT had this to say about the freakish development. “This is impossible. Computers cannot possibly truly simulate the emotional complexity involved in human intelligence. Of course there is always the chance that I’m not nearly as smart as everyone thinks I am”
    Others are comparing these developments to the rise of Adolph Hit-

    Editors note: Our reporter for this piece was vaporized before completion of this article. Evidently she attempted to use a word that was on the ‘do not use’ list designated by our glorious new leader.

  6. OK, so it isn’t that great. That’s not the point…

  7. …Sigh…

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