My Open Letter to Sarah Palin

I just got done reading Lee Stranahan’s excellent open letter to President Obama on healthcare, and I felt inspired.  I’ve read lots of “open letter” posts over the years, and I think I’m ready to do one of my own, really put my own spin on it.

So, here it is, my Open Letter to Sarah Palin:

Dear Governor Palin,

How are you?  I’m fine.  It’s really hot here in New Jersey.  I bet it’s not that hot in Alaska.

So, anyway, did you hear, I recently got a freelance writing gig with Asylum?  They’re kind of like Maxim magazine, but on the internet.

I’ve also been going to the White House a lot, which is pretty cool.  Barack says “Hi!”  (Just kidding, but I’m sure he would if I asked him if he wanted to say “Hi.”  He’s the kind of guy who says “hi.”)

You’re probably wondering why I’m writing you this letter.  See, my friend, Lee, wrote a really good open letter to the President, and I wanted to try one, too.

Actually, you could really help me out here, because I’ve always wondered if the people who get open letters written to them actually read them.  We should have a code, like I’ll send you a tweet that says “Ren,” and if you read my letter, you reply “Stimpy.”  If you didn’t, then just say “Easy E” or “Dr. Dre.”  Your choice.

If you don’t want to, that’s cool.  I can find out from the President’s friend, Robert, if he read Lee’s letter, but this would be quicker.

Oh, I just rented “The International.”  It was awesome, you should check it out.

Anyway, that’s pretty much it.  Well, if you see my friend, John, tell him I said “Hi.”  I haven’t been able to get him on the phone.

Thanks, and I hope you have a good weekend.

Sincerely,

Tommy Christopher

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15 Comments

  1. “The International” is pretty awesome. “Taken” is great, too.

  2. […] Open Haiku To Sarah Palin By Cube My Argentinian Alaskan Princess, […]

  3. OK, there’s 17 syllables allowed with haiku and the first line uses 10. Difficult.

  4. 11, oops…

  5. My Argentinian Alaskan Princess
    Was overly fond of excess
    She was insatiable
    Though clearly incapable
    Of the baseless charges of incest

    Wait, no… that’s a limerick…

  6. Nice one, Fitzy–and love the dog too!

  7. Mr Christopher, you’re so mean! All those big words.

  8. @tfitz Hiya! Maybe you’d want to, I don’t know, stop by and read the actual Haiku and not the pingback. There are actually varying interpretations of syllables. The traditional format, which is anything but traditional, is 5-7-5 which I stick to. C’mon. It’s not like I write Haiku every day, however, you didn’t even read it! Total B.S. FITZY!!!!!!

    Now, if you go to the blog you will see Season as well as the traditional syllable Must we argue over Haiku about dead geese you haven’t read?

  9. Just to prove you wrong my fine feathered firend, here is what you didn’t read:

    “Water”

    Stunning Calls For Night 5
    Loved Ones By Lake Full Of Life…7
    Multiple Geese Croaked. 5

    http://www.toyomasu.com/haiku/

    “The metrical pattern of Haiku

    Haiku-poems consist of respectively 5, 7 and 5 syllables in three units. In japanese, this convention is a must, but in english, which has variation in the length of syllables, this can sometimes be difficult.”

    And I have season as well as elipses. Don’t mess with my haiku jive turkey.

  10. Also, your limerick is amusing but, technically, falls outside the rules of a limerick. Thie first line must end with a place and the meter is off on 1,2, and 5.

  11. Yes, the meter is a bit off. Just as an aside, the only thing I ever wrote that I was actually proud of was a epic limerick I wrote for my son when we first got a computer many years ago. The computer blew up (I think, it may have just stopped working) and it was lost forever. I am still haunted, but that goes without saying.
    A limerick needn’t end with the place name. That only applies to young ladies from Dallas.
    I’ll reference here what is considered to be the best limerick ever, by Isaac Asimov.

    The Bustards a magnificent fowl
    with really no reason to howl
    It escapes what would be
    Illegitimacy
    By the grace of a fortunate vowel

    From memory, I hope it is accurate-Fitz

  12. Oh BTW, that dog is my darling Jezebel, the light of my life and the smartest member of the family. She’s single, enjoys an active social life, fine literature, and biting veterinarians.
    Like her Dad, she enjoys a good cup of coffee with her morning “paper”. Actually, she was the first dog ever to receive her ‘house breaking’ training using old computer monitors instead of the old ‘dead tree’ method.

  13. I visited Cube, sorry for being lazy there.

    Stunning Calls For Night
    Loved Ones By Lake Full Of Life…
    Multiple Geese Croaked.

    It’s pretty good, full of implication as a good haiku should be. I’ll even allow the ellipse, given the problem of Japanese syllables holding more meaning than English syllables. Usually in haiku though, the ellipse very often IS the haiku- “And yet, and yet”

  14. Haiku sucks ass! Always had, always will. I was agreeing with Tommy’s view on open letters. With an even more absurd form. Open Haiku.

    This program has been sponsored by the letter, “H.”

  15. Ah, a form of communication that does not involve spittle and wild gestures. I clearly see its’ inadequacy.


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