Justice Department Turns to Cheney’s-An-Embarrassment Defense

Earlier today Justice Department lawyer Jeffrey Smith argued that a D.C. District Court should not unseal the transcript of an interview the FBI conducted with Dick Cheney during their investigation of the Valerie Plame case. Smith implied that Cheney’s responses were so stupid that future vice presidents would likely balk at cooperating with future investigations for fear of looking that stupid themselves. Smith went on to argue that if Cheney’s idiotic words were unleashed on the unsuspecting populous they would be used by smart asses everywhere, causing Cheney massive political embarrassment.

Previously Smith argued that Cheney’s sealed testimony would be certain fodder for Daily Show host Jon Stewart, who would surely seize on the opportunity to mock Cheney, something  that Stewart can rarely pull off without classified materials. Smith asked that the document be classified for ten years in hopes that Stewart and all other comedians might go off the air.

D.C. District Court Judge Emmet Sullivan didn’t seem to care if Cheney was made to look ridiculous. Sullivan complained that Obama’s Justice Department wanted him to create an exception to the Freedom of Information Act just to cover for Cheney’s oafish orations, which is “something courts can’t do.”

The administration seems intent to shield Cheney’s reputation from the monstrously moronic musings in the transcript. “Presidents don’t really have to cooperate if they really don’t want to,” Smith said, referring to an earlier precedent set by George HW Bush.

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