In Your F**ckin’ Face, Mayo! Miracle Whip is the Shizz-NAY!

If anyone can find me an embeddable copy of this new Miracle Whip commercial, please let me know.

This thing made me laugh out loud, as one of the stranger attempts at edginess that I’ve ever seen.  Yeah, man, my condiment choices have really been limiting me.  For the record:

MiracleWhip

Nobody wants you to tone it down.  Your sandwich cream is not distressing to me in the slightest.  Maybe shave a little, though.

Then, it pissed me off:

MiracleWhip2

What the fuck?  Why you gotta take a random swipe at mayonnaise?  Look, you can have your litlle punk-rock-kiddie-pool-party, but do not fuck with mayo.  Mayo will end you.  You think people like bacon?  See what happens if you try to take away their mayo.

Besides, mayo is not bland.  Mayo rules.  Try mixing chipotle sauce with Miracle Whip, see what you get.

In fact, maybe you all should just tone it down.  Fuckin’ condiment terrorists!

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2 Comments

  1. First they came for the mustard, and I did not speak out, because I did not like mustard…

    Then they came for the ketchup, and I did not speak out, because I did not like ketchup…

    Then they came for the mayo, and I was all “Back that shit up.”

  2. i have embeds on my blog. i just posted them today. feel free to visit!


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