10 Best ‘Stalker Rock’ Songs

Have you ever been singing along to a song for the 100th time, when suddenly, you realize that something’s not quite right about it? Maybe you’ve howled out the chorus every other time, but never paid attention to a key verse, and now you have that disquieting urge to seek a restraining order … for yourself. That, my friends, is “Stalker Rock.”

We’re not talking about overtly creepy songs, either, like The Police’s “Every Breath You Take,” or Eminem’s “Kim,” but rather, songs that sound upbeat and poppy until you get to that key moment in the song. For example, there’s that point in The Turtles’ “Happy Together” where you realize the entire song is hypothetical.

To save you the embarrassment of gifting your honey with an inadvertantly terrifying mixtape/playlist, we have assembled a list of the creepiest songs you’ll ever tap a toe to.

867-5309 (Jenny) – Tommy Tutone

One of the catchiest songs of all time is also one of the creepiest. Ostensibly an ode to men’s room graffiti, the song’s narrator quickly develops an unhealthy fixation on the titular good-time girl. Still, it’s got to be better than their initial effort, "Here I Sit, Broken-Hearted."

Disturbing Lyric: Tell me if this doesn’t put a queasy picture in your head. The guy is pondering Jenny’s phone number in a bathroom stall, and says "I tried my imagination, but I was disturbed." AWK-ward.

Tommy Tutone 867-5309 (Jenny)
by Celtiemama

Jesse’s Girl – Rick Springfield

The premise alone is pretty creepy. Rick notices his pal, Jesse, has got himself a girl and he wants to make her his. What puts this in "altar-building" mode is the painstaking detail with which Rick describes his quarry’s activities. Watching him with those eyes, lovin’ him with that body, makin’ him omelets with that Magic Bullet…okay, that last one’s made up, but you get the idea.

Disturbing Lyric: "You know, I feel so dirty when they start talkin’ cute…" You’re a dude, you don’t get to "feel dirty."


Don’t You Want Me, Baby – Human League

This has got to be the catchiest, most danceable threat of murder/suicide ever. The "He said/She said" verses are the novelty of this song, but after she says she still wants to split up, he drops this…

Disturbing Lyric: "It’s much to late to find, you think you’ve changed your mind. You’d better change it back, or we will both be sorry…"

Human League – Don’t You Want Me Baby(Live)
by jorgeindex

Hello – Lionel Richie

Set aside, for the moment, the uber-creepy video that culminates in that zombie Lionel sculpture. Lionel, if you want to know how to win her heart, but you haven’t got a clue, you definitely don’t start by saying "I love you." You start by saying "Why don’t we grab some coffee?" or "Hey, how do you sculpt so good when you’re all blind and stuff?"

Disturbing Lyric: "and in my dreams, I’ve kissed your lips a thousand times…" And in those dreams, your lips are cracked and bleeding after kiss #643.

Just My Imagination – The Temptations

When a normal guy sees a hot girl pass by his window, he thinks "Damn! She was hot! Wonder if she likes dollar drafts?" The narrator of this Motown classic constructs an elaborate inner life with said hottie, spilling over into psycho territory with the addition of "2 children, maybe 3." Having a brief dirty thought is one thing, knitting booties is another.

Disturbing Lyric: "Every night, on my knees, I pray…" That’s great, a stalker on a mission from God.

One Way or Another – Blondie

This one seems a little obvious, as Debbie Harry talks literally about following you around. What took me awhile to notice is that, halfway through the song, she flips a switch and wants to lose you. That takes her from obsessed stalker to unhinged bunny boiler, in my book.

Disturbing Lyric: "I will drive past your house, and if the lights are all down, I’ll see who’s hangin’ around." Time to install those motion-sensing floodlights that used to make you crap your pants when you’d go pool-hopping.

Blondie – One Way Or Another
by jpdc11

I’ll be Around – The Spinners

Things are going along fine through most of the chorus, with the overly-attentive-but-not-quite creepy "I’ll be there…" refrain, but then they take an ominous turn at the end with "I’ll be around…" Just what every girl wants, a suitor who can emerge from the shadows at the slightest provocation.

Disturbing Lyric: "…sparks turn into flames…" Is this a love song, or an arson threat?

I’ll Be Around – Spinners
by vthik

Is She Really Going Out With Him? – Joe Jackson

As a general rule, any time your song takes place "from your window," you’re off to a bad start. The character in this Joe Jackson song is a serial killer in the making, taking the existence of every woman’s boyfriend as a personal insult. What sounds like a mopey loser’s lament veers into Ted Bundy territory with this…

Disturbing Lyric: "But if looks could kill, there’s a man there who is marked down as dead…take your hands off her head…" What the…why does her boyfriend have his hands on her head? Who’s the psycho here, anyway?

Joe Jackson – Is She Really Going Out With Him
by jpdc11

Never Gonna Give You Up – Rick Astley

Better known as the "Rick Roll Song," this insistent ditty trades in creepy absolutes. Never gonna give you up. Inside, we both know what’s been going on. Gotta make you understand. But the kicker is this…

Disturbing Lyric: "You’re heart’s been aching but you’re too shy to say it." No, Rick, it’s because you put duct tape over her mouth.


Girlfriend – Avril Lavigne

I have to give Avril props for kicking out some hardcore profanity, lessened somewhat by the fact that she follows the word "MFin’" with the word "princess." Still, this is one hard sell that the average guy could do without. I dare you to tell Avril, "Hey, baby, there’s enough of me to go around!"

Disturbing Lyric:
"Better yet, make your girlfriend disappear. I don’t wanna hear you say her name ever again." So, first, she has you rub out your GF, and for good measure, tears out your larynx. No thanks.

Avril Lavigne – Girlfriend (Radio Edit)
by mixshow

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Bad News on Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell

The policy of discharging otherwise qualified gay soldiers from the military has been a hot topic this week. Last Friday, I asked Press Secretary Robert Gibbs to explain the difference in the risk to our security between discharging a qualified arabic linguist, and releasing photos of detainee abuse.

Since then, Air America’s Ana Marie Cox has followed up with Gibbs on 2 more occasions, and in all 3 cases, the Press Secretary assured us that a solution was in the works.

Maybe I’m naive, but I took this to mean that a repeal of the Don’t ask/Don’t tell was on the near horizon, maybe a couple of months away. There is a bill in the House of Representatives, HR 1283, that was referred to the House Subcommittee on Military Personnel in March.

I contacted the subcommittee’s chair, Rep. Susan Davis (D-Ca), and her spokesman, Aaron Hunter, gave me some rather deflating news.

He said that the committee plans to schedule hearings on the bill. Later this year.

I was flabbergasted. “You mean, the hearings on this bill could literally begin anytime up to December?”


That’s just to schedule hearings, let alone hold a vote in the full committee or the House. By then, the midterm election campaigns will be in full swing, with Republicans already signaling that they plan to make gay marriage an issue.

This is not a criticism of Congresswoman Davis, who supports the repeal of this policy. She held the first Congressional hearings on DADT in 15 years last July. Hunter told me that they still need to build support for the bill in the subcommittee.

Meanwhile, in the Senate, Ted Kennedy has agreed to sponsor the Senate version, but is still seeking a Republican co-sponsor.

I initially agreed with Gibbs’ assessment, when I thought we were talking about a relatively short time frame. I don’t think our national security can wait that long. When a prisoner makes a confession that there is no-one around to translate, or when a gay medic isn’t there anymore to treat a wounded soldier, how much sense will waiting to change this policy make then?

President Obama should put a stop to these discharges. Period.// //

Tommy on: Daily Dose:

The Republicans’ First 100 Days

With President Obama’s 100th day in office rapidly approaching, there will be a raft of stories enumerating, dissectigop_underwaterng, and otherwise catalogging his accomplishments during the FDR-inspired timeframe.  The best of these can, without a doubt, be found here.  For rabid Obama-haters, try this one.

But what about the Grand Old Party?  How have the Republicans fared during this micro-centennial?  What have they accomplished since Barack Obama took office?

It is tempting to sum it up using some combination of the letters N and O, but really, they’ve done so much less than nothing. Continue reading

Rush Limbaugh Owes Success to Giving His Show Away

Cross-posted from AOL’s Political Machine

Rush Limbaugh has only one thing in common with Savoir Faire: He is everywhere. When Boss Limbaugh brags of sixty jillion listeners nationwide, it’s not because they were attracted to him like moths to a brilliant flame, it’s because, well, he was there.

Bill Mann reports, at HuffPo, that Rush spread the seeds of his current roots long ago, and with a sales scheme that would makeCrazy Eddie, um, crazy:

This shocker is because of a little-known practice in broadcast syndication called a “barter deal.” (Barter deals were briefly mentioned in Michael Wolff’s first-rate recent piece on Rush in Vanity Fair).

Here’s how a barter deal works: To launch the show, Limbaugh’s syndicator, Premiere Radio Networks — the same folks who syndicate wingnut du jour Glen Beck — gave Limbaugh’s three hours away — that’s right, no cash — to local radio stations, mostly in medium and smaller markets, back in the early 1990’s.

So, a local talk station got Rush’s show for zilch. In exchange, Premiere took for itself much of the local station’s available advertising time (roughly 15 minutes an hour) and packed the show with national ads it had already pre-sold.

There’s a certain kind of beauty in this plan. It’s kind of like “socialized radio” if you think about it:Rush is the “government cheese” that these smaller and medium market stations use to fill the bellies of their listeners. The syndicator gets to control 3 hours of local radio in exchange, and Rush gets to blanket the country.

In a nutshell, Rush isn’t the best radio host, he’s the best radio host you can get for free.

Redstate Gets Down and Dirty: Raises Incest in Defense of Sarah Palin

Update: Andrew Sullivan linked my AOL piece, read what he says.

I’m going to include my AOL cross-post here in a minute, but I wanted to add a little to what I said there.

It would be facile for my newfound conservative fans to assume that I’m just trying to even the score from the Daily Kos shitstorm, but I will say the same thing I did then:  This is not some anonymous, black helicopter freeper accusing Levi Johnston.  It’s the managing editor of Redstate, as identifiable on the right as Daily Kos is on the left.  The irresponsibility here is extreme.

I really don’t get it, there’s plenty of legit garbage to throw at Levi and company.  Why risk this kind of loose talk?  Are there any Redstate readers who are unsure whether to hate Levi?  And why demonize guns?  That seems highly counter-intuitive.

Anyway, here are the particulars of this story, in all their stomach-turning glory.

Redstate Crosses the Line: Implies Incest in Attack on Levi Johnston Continue reading

President Obama and French First Lady Carla Bruni Kiss and ‘Make Up’

Here’s a cross-post from AOL, and all I can say is “Damn!”  If that was me, there would be a very goodcarla_bruni3thumb reason I wouldn’t be able to step too close to her, get my drift?

Update:  I knew France had a hot First Lady, but I never really checked into it.  Did you know that there are nekkid pictures of her?  I am shocked!

President Obama and French First Lady Carla Bruni Kiss and ‘Make Up’

The silly season never ends.

Matt Drudge is pushing this headline: Bruni backs off from kiss… linking to a UK Sun article that makes it seem like French First Lady Carla Bruni had to slap away a slobbering advance from President Obama:

Bruni backs off from Obama kiss…

The former model gave customary pecks on both cheeks to Michelle Obama and other dignitaries when the couple arrived in France.

But when it came to the dashing US President the beauty kept a noticeable distance.

Well, they say pictures don’t lie, even if tabloid newspapers do. As you can see, the President and Ms. Bruni did share that continental smooch (nicely done, Mr. President), and the Sun is just trying to make some hay.

Amusingly, the New York Daily News is running the same photo as the Sun, but their headline says the President blew Bruni off. What a country!

Here’s a picture taken seconds before the one the Sun was referring to. I’ll call it “the approach”: Continue reading

Who’s Afraid of Sarah Palin? The GOP

Who’s Afraid of Sarah Palin? The GOP
When I saw this report at HuffPo yesterday, entitlled “Republicans Disinvite Palin From Major Fundraiser, Trash Her In Private,” I thought, “Really? Again?”

Well, no, not really. This is the same story Matt Lewis wrote about a few weeks ago. They threw some Mrs. Dash on it and banged it in the microwave for a few minutes, but it’s basically the same story. The RNCC announced that Palin would be headlining their annual fundraiser, but then Palin’s office said, “Not so fast…”

So, now, they’ve “Disinvited” Palin in much the same way that I might “disinvite” Jessica Alba from my birthday party. She wasn’t coming, anyway. The only thing new here is that they found a backup, and took the occasion to trash Palin a little bit more:

WASHINGTON – Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is out, and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich is in as keynote speaker at a Republican dinner this spring.

A GOP official trashed Palin to Fox News and insisted that her camp wasn’t telling the truth. “She was a disaster,” the source said. “We had confirmation.”

So, why re-heat this story now that the Republicans have found their stand-in?

It’s kind of an “enemy of my friend” situation here. The left just reflexively jumps at any chance to trash Palin (note to left: She LOST already), the rest of the press love any Palin headline (always good for ratings/circulation/traffic), and the GOP has found common cause with them here.

Sarah Palin is a danger to the Republican establishment, on more than one front. She will be almost impossible to beat in the 2012 primaries, but stands little chance of winning the general election. The Republicans think that by trashing her now, an effort which began shortly after the election, they can head off a popular, but unelectable, presumptive nominee.

The problem is, they’re not offering up much better alternatives. Newt Gingrich only sounds good because the rest of them sound so bad. The GOP hasn’t wised up to the fact that they need to moderate their message if they want to grow their party.

The left, meanwhile, should get out of Sarah Palin’s way. Let her ride that wave of popularity all the way to that Republican nod in 2012. Better the devil you know.

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Speaking of Toxic Assets: Hitler’s Artwork For Sale?

I posted this at AOL, but they deemed it off-topic.  Blech.  Philistines.  What’s more political than art?  Maybe they didn’t think it was funny.  I like the pic I used.  Get it?  One ball?

Speaking of Toxic Assets: Hitler’s Artwork For Sale?
Apparently, before he was Der Fuhrer, Adolf Hitler was a starving artist in Vienna. The New York Times reports that some paintings purported to be from the Hitler oeuvre are going up for auction:

Thirteen paintings that may be the work of Hitler will be sold at an auction in Britain scheduled for April, Reuters reported. The artworks, which include a possible self-portrait, would have been made when he was a struggling artist in Vienna, vying unsuccessfully to gain entrance to its Academy of Arts before he fought in World War I.

Maybe the phrase “possible self-portrait” is a clue as to why Hitler never made it big in the art world.

The paintings are expected to sell for as little as $500, but would probably fit in nicely with a collection of Charles Manson’s folk songs. The report doesn’t say whether the collection contains Hitler’s masterwork, “Salvador Dali Effing Off!

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Alaska Democrat Wants Sarah Palin to Take it All Off

Don’t make me defend that headline.  I stuck up for her in the article, OK?

Alaska Democrat Wants Sarah Palin to Take it All Off

The lady who brought the complaint is named Celtic Diva, which some of you might think is a good nickname for me.  To you, I say “Shut up, Brian.”

Tommy Christopher vs Caleb Howe on Ed Morrissey’s Show – Live!

I can’t embed the video here, so you gotta click below to see me destroy Caleb.

Tommy Christopher vs Caleb Howe on Ed Morrissey’s Show – Live!