Greta, the 90’s Are on the Phone, They Want Their Catchphrase Back

This argument between Greta Van Susteren and Greg Jarrett is getting a lot of play, even prompting an apology from Greta.  The tiff itself is rather pedestrian, although Jarrett’s slow-burn reactions are amusing.  Never mind Van Susteren’s weird relationship with the Palins, what really stood out for me was Greta’s OJ-era patois: (h/t Hot Air)

Kudos to Jarrett for not instructing Greta to contact “the hand’s” publicist for a statement, or informing her that Homey refuses to participate in shenanigans.  Hey, it’s all good.

Fire David Letterman Event to Proceed Despite Apology

Update: David Letterman issued another, more apologetic apology today. which prompted me to contact one of the organizers of the “Fire David Letterman” campaign, John Ziegler, to see if they still planned to carry out the event.  I’m not sure if I got John’s subtle inference, you tell me: (via email)

Me:

Are you still putting this on despite the apology?

John Ziegler:

Yes

Gotcha! Leno Told Statutory Rape Joke, Too!

There’s a new, inevitable twist in the David Letterman-Gate joke scandal. Alan Colmes notes that Dave’s late-night rival, Jay Leno, told his own underage Palin daughter sex joke during the campaign: (h/t HuffPo)

Gotcha! Leno Told Statutory Rape Joke, Too!

There’s a new, inevitable twist in the David Letterman-Gate joke scandal.  Alan Colmes notes that Dave’s late-night rival, Jay Leno, told his own underage Palin daughter sex joke during the campaign: (h/t HuffPo)

Palin Compromises on Abortion, Stimulus, but Never Levi

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin (I love how we do that, as if anybody doesn’t know who Sarah Palin is.  Are there people going, “Wait, from Monty Python?”) spoke to reporters yesterday, covering a wide range of topics.  The money quote is from the end, but I’ll start with it, since it’s not even the most important part of the story (written by Sean Cockerham, if you can believe it.  And they say Palin gives out weird names).  She was asked about Levi Johnston’s claim that he lived with the Palins during Bristol’s pregnancy:

Redstate Gets Down and Dirty: Raises Incest in Defense of Sarah Palin

Update: Andrew Sullivan linked my AOL piece, read what he says.

I’m going to include my AOL cross-post here in a minute, but I wanted to add a little to what I said there.

It would be facile for my newfound conservative fans to assume that I’m just trying to even the score from the Daily Kos shitstorm, but I will say the same thing I did then:  This is not some anonymous, black helicopter freeper accusing Levi Johnston.  It’s the managing editor of Redstate, as identifiable on the right as Daily Kos is on the left.  The irresponsibility here is extreme.

I really don’t get it, there’s plenty of legit garbage to throw at Levi and company.  Why risk this kind of loose talk?  Are there any Redstate readers who are unsure whether to hate Levi?  And why demonize guns?  That seems highly counter-intuitive.

Anyway, here are the particulars of this story, in all their stomach-turning glory.

Redstate Crosses the Line: Implies Incest in Attack on Levi Johnston

Levi and Family Do Tyra

Just posted this at AOL: New Video: Levi and the Family Johnston on Tyra , without actual video because HuffPo doesn’t provide embeds.  Jerks.  They irk me with that shit.

So sad, now, that the baby is going to go through this crap.  No matter who’s right, they all lose.  As I said there, Levi blew it by not taking the high road.  If the Palins are really keeping him from seeing Tripp, there’s nobody in the world who wouldn’t support him fighting that.

Of course, if it comes to him trying to publicly shame Bristol and family into letting him see Tripp more, he’d better have his ducks in a row and doing the Electric Slide.  Going on TV and saying “Let me see my son” is an invitation to the Palins to explain why they don’t.

I really can’t stand the sickening glee with which people eat this stuff up.  I tire of explaining this, but the only reason I write about this stuff is to try and add a productive voice to all the voyeuristic titters.  These 2 kids (3 now) never asked for this shitstorm, and they deserve a lot of latitude.

Today’s Quickies and…Rocket Babies

Levi Johnston is kind of an ass. Look, if you’re gonna scummily dish on your sex life, go all the way.  Be like, “Tyra, I always thought those Penthouse letters were made up…”

But seriously, dude! Your son is going to see that some day.

This is only funny in the abstract:  Rocket fuel in baby formula.  Aside from the obvious jokes, the article actually says this: “The formula also contains a compound that can counteract the rocket fuel chemical’s effects.”  I’ve never heard of simultaneous food poisoning and unpoisoning.

Rush Limbaugh Slam Poetry.

This site can suck it!

This headline sounds like a Wall Street Journal article written by Dr. Seuss.

I have a follower named Kristy Kaleal now.  Is she related to Superman?

Good day to be gay.

Obama is effin’ funny. “OBAMA TO CEOS: I’M “THE ONLY THING BETWEEN YOU AND THE PITCHFORKS”  Classic.

Cyberstalk Rahm Emanuel.

Ward Churchill wins a dollar.

Tenacious D meets Conchords meets Fellini.

You can’t breathe in Jello.

Dick! (h/t OhHellNawl)

Sarah Palin Says Abstinence ‘Naive’

There’s a line in this story that would make an awesome song parody.  See if you can find it.

Sarah Palin Says Abstinence ‘Naive’

David Knowles brought you Bristol Palin’s thoughts on abstinence yesterday, during her kinda creepy quizzing by Fox News’ Greta Van Sustern. Now, Governor Sarah Palin weighs in on the futility of keepin’ down the urges. As you watch, though, listen to how she throws in nauseating Republican ideology wherever she can. (See Transcript)

I don’t know how well the interview game works with this clip, but give it a try.

Every time I start to have some sort of sympathy for Sarah Palin, she goes and makes me want to barf. Here, she engages in that great Republican pastime of modifying her beliefs to justify her own situation, while continuing to judge others whose experience differs from hers.

Bristol Palin Interview Transcript

From Fox News:

The Bristol Palin Interview Game

Update: In typical fashion, my other buddy, Caleb Howe, completely misses the point here, too, focusing instead on the nitpicking detail that I said “where she says abstinence doesn’t work” instead of just laughing.  Just for that, I’m tota;;y not changing it.  Hear that, Caleb?  ABSTINENCE DOESN’T WORK!  You can still get pregnant by tpoilet seats and open-mouth kissing.

I meant “toilet seats,” but I’m leaving the typo in there as punishment for Caleb.

My buddy, David Knowles, posted the awesome Bristol Palin clip where she says that abstinence doesn’t work, and like most bloggers, focuses on bringing you, the reader, facts and shit about abstinence education.  That’s nice, there’s a place for that.

When I watched this clip, though, I immediately thought of that Chinese fortune cookie game where you append each fortune with “in bed.”  In my version of the game, every answer Palin gives to Greta Van Sustern should be followed with “…you fucking perv!”

Try it out.